Super-Car

Today I decided to take a trip to the nearest five-star restaurant and dine amongst royalty for dinner. On the way home for KFC, I was finding ways to occupy myself in the car (my boyfriend is not exactly the type to offer up any form of stimulating conversation). He is, however, the type to forget that he is supposed to be paying attention to the road and swerve into the other lane, endangering the lives of not only us, but anyone else on the road. He's a gem, really. Irrelevant, but still worth mentioning..


Anyway, as I was saying, I was attempting to occupy myself in his car. For a while, this consisted of making as many weird noises with my mouth as possible. This is something that I frequently do to entertain myself-- my adorable boyfriend says it's annoying, but I know that he secretly loves it and always hopes that the next noise to spout from my face will be at least three times louder. Silent challenge accepted, boyfriend.


After I had made every noise I could possibly think of, I decided to fiddle around with things in Boyfriend's car. At this point, I found this:

What a fine discovery this was. Maybe this is more common than I know of. I do think, however, that the company that made his car perhaps overreacted to the sun. What's next? A third sun flap thingy? Sun glasses that hang from the middle sun flap? SPF 30 that mists your face every time you open your mirror? Although I appreciate the sentiment, I feel that the addition of a second sun shield is excessive. I know that you are just trying to protect me from the sun's harmful rays, unknown car makers, but I don't know if this is the best way to go about it. Are there other hidden air bags, or something, that I should know about? Maybe the entire passenger seat is full of hidden air bags that I'll only get to discover once it's too late. I would hate that.

There are, however, some additions that I would like you to implement to Boyfriend's car. Firstly, I would like a donut dispenser containing multiples of at least three of my favorite donuts. If need be, you may sacrifice the extra hidden airbags to make space in the car for my donut dispenser-- no amount of air bags will protect me from early-onset diabetes. 

Secondly, I would like the sound of the horn to be replaced with the opening scream from CSI Miami. I really don't think that the common horn beep is enough to accurately portray just how cool I really am, and how cool Boyfriend is, inadvertently, for dating me. Y'know?


Lastly, on the passenger side only, I would like a button installed which, when pressed, Rick Rolls whoever is in the car with me. This will also be useful in the following situations:

a.) When Boyfriend is talking about work, or something that I find to be disinteresting
b.) When Boyfriend is not paying enough positive attention to me, forcing me to resort to seeking negative attention.
c.) When Boyfriend is forcing me to listen to a song on the radio that I absolutely can't stand.


If you have any more weird car additions, let me know. Maybe we could all build some sort of super-car plan and send it in to a car manufacturer.