The Pains of Having Soft, Well Conditioned Hair

So, here's a bit of information for you-- I just recently got a hair cut. Neat, huh? My hair was getting long and dry, so I figured that it was time to hack that shit right off. In doing this, my hair has found it's "second wind" and is no longer dry, which means it's very, very soft. This is both a blessing and a curse for me.

For as long as I can remember, I've had some weird addiction to twisting my hair. I can recall sitting in band class and twisting my hair, not even consciously, during the portions of songs that I did not play. Anyone who knows me knows that this hair-twisting addiction is a defining "Alyssa" trait.

Now, to the average person, this hair twisting addiction may sound, well, almost endearing. You may think that a person would be lucky to have as soft and wonderful hair as me. You may think that my complaining is irrational and unappreciative towards the gifts that God has bestowed upon me (namely, soft hair.. among so many other things..). YOU WOULD BE WRONG. Although I love my soft hair, it has begun to consume the attention and time of my hands. It's like they are crack addicts, and the only way that they can get their fix is to spend hours and hours twisting this one strand of hair that is slowly starting to become straight due to the copious amounts of attention it is getting.

I can no longer plan daily activities for myself that involve the use of my hands because I am never certain of when they will get the "itch" to twist my hair-- and God knows I can't ignore that. I find that my hands' favorite time to scratch their hair twisting "itch" is at night, generally right before I'm about to fall asleep. I lay awake for hours, begging my hands to give it a break already... but it just feels so good. I know that I should really put my foot down because every time I become a slave to my hands' addiction, I am only enabling them. It's hard to say no, though. I mean, they've been just like a part of me for over twenty-one years, now. I mean, every time I want another bite of chocolate cake, they are always right there for me, ready to help me out. How can I deny them their one and only desire in the world? That would be cruel of me.

Sigh, why am I troubled with such intense problems? Everyone else is so lucky... My life is clearly the worst, oh, just the worst! Curse you, Universe, for blessing me with beautifully soft hair, nice lips and eyes, and pleasure-addicted hands!